So what happens when you go public with three habits that have consistently beaten you for years? I can answer that question. In fact I’m an expert on the answer to that question.
First comes a surge of success shored up with determination and resolve. BIG progress is made. You are filled with pride and one burning question. Why didn’t I do this sooner? It is so easy once you simply commit yourself. Why didn’t I make this public sooner? I will inspire everyone. I am Super Woman! Watch me soar! I will be a role model for the world. Everyone will see that I can do this. Then they will conquer all their bad habits and overcome all their fears.
It takes a few months for the backward spiral to begin to eat away at your best intentions. Then comes lots of self recriminations followed by a pretty large dose of self loathing. It is all wrapped untidily in doubt and topped with a big bow of guilt. You scramble to hang in there. Your fingernails are ripping as you try hard to hang on. This is no longer just a personal failure. I HAVE FAILED THE ENTIRE WORLD.
Oh how I wish IHKMBMS. I’m at that age when it is difficult to keep all the texting acronyms straight. And let’s be honest, I just made that one up. So in fairness I will let you in on what it stands for. “Oh I wish I had kept my big mouth shut.” Perhaps now I will. Maybe that is the big lesson in this whole venture. Right now I doubt if I can even keep that resolution…the one about keeping my big mouth shut, I mean. But I’m gonna try. These days that is all I can promise.