Nov24

Making Memories

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It’s all about making memories, don’t you think? It’s not about the food, though sometimes it seems like it is.  It’s not about how the table is set or how recently the floor has been vacuumed. I’m certain Martha Stewart would disagree, but she’s not invited to my home today.

When you get right down to it, it’s all about making the memories. It is about who is there with you. It is also about the things you enjoy doing together. That’s how I found myself in the all night grocery at 4:00 am this Thanksgiving morning.

Some young people who are currently still sleeping soundly, wanted to make monkey bread for breakfast. This was not in my plans. For good reasons it wasn’t in my plans as I only own one oven. Three hundred and sixty-three days a year, one oven is more than adequate in my house. Two days a year it is an annoyance. Especially on Thanksgiving the turkey takes up the entire oven. I checked the bundt pan size for the monkey bread and tried to fit it into the oven with the roaster pan. No go. So last night when they pleaded I held my ground.

However, when I woke up at 3:00 am I started thinking about those memories. It isn’t about the monkey bread, it’s about cutting up the dough and taking turns shaking it in the bag until the sugar and cinnamon coat it all around. It’s about smelling it bake and pulling it apart piece by piece. It’s even about licking your fingers to savor every drop of the gooey topping. Yeah, it’s about the memories.

That’s what took me to the grocery at 4:00 am. I told the sales clerk my story as she scanned my items.  It feels like you need to explain a middle of the night quick stop at the store. The cashier had time to listen. The only other people around were stockers placing large plastic wrapped sale items in the middle of the aisles full of the Black Friday items which really go on sale today (Thanksgiving) at 10:00 pm.  ??   When I told her it was all about the memories, she said, “Well, take pictures so they’ll be SURE and remember it.

Great advice. I rushed home to put the turkey in extra early. We may have to remove it for a bit while the monkey bread bakes. Is that even healthy? Don’t tell Martha.

Then I put out the trash. Our trash pick up day is Thursday, very early morning. Every year my husband says he doesn’t believe they pick up trash on Thanksgiving thus saving himself the trouble of putting it out on Wednesday night. Every year I say, “Yes, dear they do pick up the trash on Thanksgiving. Remember last year?” He argues the point. He argues a point any time he doesn’t want to leave the recliner to engage in life.  It works for him. I hear the trash collectors in the neighborhood now. God bless them for working on Thanksgiving so I don’t have to smell for a week what I just removed from the turkey this morning.

Now I need to find that camera to record the monkey-bread-memory-making for posterity. Uh-oh. I wonder if it needs a fresh battery?

Nov23

The Wish

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Yesterday I had a pizza lunch with two kindergarten boys.  Making an attempt to start a conversation, I asked a question typical of an adult.

“Well boys, Thanksgiving is only two days away.  What are you two thankful for?”

The first one said he was thankful that he could get to a particular level of Super Mario.  Genuine gratitude- untainted by adult suggestions.

The second one said he was thankful that they made ‘budder’ in school today.  Apparently his kindergarten class had made butter by taking turns shaking cream in a jar.

Then he burst into a butter-making  song that went something like this. (Think Elmer Fudd here).

“Thake the budder heah, thake the budder theah, thake the budder all awound and ev…whe.. waya!”

He sang with such enthusiasm his buddy joined in.  They were shaking their hands in large circles as they repeated this chant.   After about twelve identical verses of this jingle I decided I’d try a diversionary tactic.  (I’m not their mudder so I couldn’t demand they quit.)

“Boys, I said, “It’s not long before the holidays.  What are you wishing for?”

The boy who had not yet discovered his “r’s” said. “I wish the man in the big twuck hadn’t come and filled in the big pothole by our bus stop.  It’s waining and today would be a gweat day to jump in it.”

“Yeah” said the second boy.  “But now it’s gone.”  They shared a sad look with each other.

“Boys,” I said, “Here’s some good news.  In just a few months your pothole… will… be… back!”

They were so excited they cheered a loud cheer pumping hands in the air with half chewed pizza on display in their wide open mouths.

Simple, pure, kindergarten wishes.  Let’s hear it for the potholes!

Nov22

The Sneak

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While everyone complains about the absurdity of rushing the Christmas season forward, I must confess I have been “sneak listening” to Christmas music in my car for weeks.  So sue me.  I love Christmas music.  The day after Halloween there is a local station that begins playing Christmas music 24/7.

How do I “sneak listen”?  I turn off my satellite radio stations.  I can’t seem to find an early holiday station there.  Hey Sirius XM, are you nuts?  Then I reset my dial to my All Holiday music local station.  BUT If anyone else enters my car I switch the channel immediately.  Why?  I don’t want to be the butt of jokes.  I don’t want to hear the lecture about how outrageous it is for the radio to be playing Christmas music so soon.  Not interested.  Can you see me with my fingers in my ears?

Each song I hear takes me back to a former Christmas memory.  It’s a pleasant walk down holiday memory lane.  If I think about it, I believe this disease started early for me.  I remember playing and replaying and replaying a Christmas album when I was a kid.  I wouldn’t stop until I knew every word.  Back then I knew three and four verses of the standard Christmas carols.

But yesterday as I listened, I was thinking about the economics of it.  Isn’t it the writer of a song that gets paid every time a song is played on the radio?  I’m not an expert on this.  But if that is true, wouldn’t writing a holiday tune be the most lucrative thing going?  Year after year that song would be played over and over on the radio.  It wouldn’t fade away like a top forty hit.  Mostly I don’t begrudge that system.  A great song deserves its reward.  But that guy whose grandma got run over by a reindeer and the kid who wanted a hippo for Christmas have to be laughing their guts out at those of us want two months of Christmas music each year.  That makes me feel a little silly.

Yep, I think I’ll keep my early holiday music on the down low.

Nov21

Choosing Kindness

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One of my all time favorite quotes comes from the book Between Teacher and Child written by Dr. Haim Ginnott. He said, “In all situations it is the teacher who decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated, and a child humanized or dehumanized.” If every future teacher could somehow internalize and live just that one sentence, our classrooms and students would benefit every day.

However, that quote doesn’t just apply to teachers and their students, it applies to life.  As our population increases, it seems we have become less patient with one another. A person hesitates five seconds before moving on a green light and horns blare. A sales clerk has to call his manager to fix an error and people stomp away grumbling…or worse. A waitress places a lemon slice on someone’s water glass and the customer goes nuts.

Each of us has the power to de-escalate a tense situation. It’s a choice. All it takes is a smile, a kind word or even just calm patience. When we find our tempers rising we can choose to turn off that switch, take a deep breath and make a decision to de-escalate the situation. As the holidays and long lines increase this season we will all be put to the test.  Does it make anyone feel better to grind someone into the ground?  Where is the humanity in that? Escalate a situation and it almost always gets worse.   Everyone loses.  Add kindness and patience to the same situation and it will miraculously begin to improve. Everyone wins.

The choice is ours.

Nov20

Worthy Comparisons

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It seems that we look at each person we know and search for their best feature or talent.  That’s a noble cause.  It’s great to look for the positive in everyone.  It’s even better to compliment them when you find a quality to admire.  However, too frequently we then compare that talent to ourselves and beat ourselves up until we feel inadequate.

“Heavens, I wish I could dance like you do.  I’m such a klutz.”

“I wish I had gorgeous eyes like his.  I hate the color of my eyes.”

“Look at her play tennis. She looks like a pro.  My serve is pathetic.”

“Your drawings are unbelievable.  I can’t draw stick men.”

Here’s a thought to consider when making comparisons.  We can genuinely admire others without all the self loathing.  The truth is we frequently search for another person’s best feature or talent and compare it to our worst.  We forget that the person who can dance like a star wishes they could write like us. That great tennis player may wish she could sing with our talent.

Our goal should be to continue to look for the talents of others and generously compliment them on their skills, while still  recognizing our own.  When we do this, the admiration becomes a win/win.  The better we feel about ourselves, the more confidence we have to continue to notice and comment on the talents of others.  A person who beats herself up too much becomes unable to genuinely compliment someone else.

Self love and acceptance is so important.  If adoration from others was all that we needed, there would be fewer celebrities taking their own lives.  Yesterday I heard a Christmas song on the radio sung by Karen Carpenter.  I marveled once again at the smooth beautiful quality of her voice.  There truly is none comparable.  And yet she died a victim of anorexia.  What a loss to the world and an even more profound loss to her family.

We need to be as kind to ourselves as we would be to our best friend or a favorite celebrity.   This may be difficult, but why not try?  The things we say to ourselves are more important than the voices of anyone else.   This Thanksgiving be thankful for your own talents.

***If you are struggling with an eating disorder of any kind, Portia de Rossi’s book Unbearable Lightness is a great read.***

Nov19

Thankful for Overlooked Blessings

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The pressure is on.  Here comes Thanksgiving and we all know we need to focus on our “thankful list”.  Will we have to recite them around the table?  Or maybe we will be required to write an essay about them.  It’s best to be prepared.  Naturally, we are all thankful for health, freedom, family, friends, the military, and a great turkey.  Those are required thankfuls:  Thankful 101.

It would be blasphemous to talk about bills, unemployment, gas prices, bad knees and the economy on Thanksgiving.  So we won’t go there.

I’ve decided to try and identify more obscure items for which to give thanks…wonderful but mostly overlooked.  Let’s hear it for the things we appreciate but never mention, unless they are missing or malfunctioning.  This list could go on and on… like that Titantic song.

  • Envelopes with those peel away papers so you don’t have to lick the glue. Yay!
  • Garage door openers.
  • Stores that actually carry shoes with wide or narrow widths.  Not many on that list.
  • Caller ID!  How did we survive before caller ID?
  • Trash cans located near where you open the mail.
  • Spell check.
  • Geraniums:  the only flower that seems to still thrive on my neglectful ways.
  • Disposable roaster pans that you don’t have to clean. (my apologies to environmentalists)
  • Prelit Christmas trees.  (See I can be “green”).
  • Free long distance.  What exactly were we paying for all those years?
  • Stores that stay open 24 hours.
  • Remote controls that aren’t missing.
  • Cell phones that are missing when I’m trying to have a nice face to face conversation.
  • Smiling store clerks.  (They deserve double their weight in blessings.)
  • Glue sticks for kindergarten teachers.
  • Libraries that email to remind me when my books are due.
  • Hotels with free cookies.  Any place with free cookies.
  • Stores that don’t ask me to fill out a survey about their service really to get my email address.
  • Car seats that warm my toosh in the winter.  I’ve never owned any, but a girl can dream.
  • The Do Not Call legislation.  Best work of politicians in a decade.
  • Stores that really open all their check out lanes.
  • Roomy seats on jets.  Just kidding.
  • Money machines.
  • People who take the time to read my blog.

                                                     Can you add to my list?  

Nov18

Confessions of a List…aholic

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Hi.  My name is Dauna; and I am a listaholic.   I make lists to organize my days.  That’s what I tell the world.  Frequently, however, I get carried away.  I’ve been known to write two or three things I’ve already done that day on the top of my list because I want “credit for them.”  Scrapbookers, who plan their vacations around the photo opportunities their destinations will provide, will understand this point of view.  It’s a disease.

I love scratching things off my list after I complete them.  It makes me feel powerful, valuable, and efficient… like Wonder Woman with a pen and a much bigger costume.

“What did you do today, honey?”

“Look, here’s my list.  See how looooong it is.”

Any time there is an article in a magazine about making lists I read it. Let’s be honest, I could write these articles.  I can visualize the list of bullets I could include in my article.  It would be a beautiful list about making lists. One wonderful suggestion they always write in these articles is to do the thing you dread the most, FIRST.  Great advice, but hard to execute.

For the past three days I have had the same most dreaded item (make a call about my health benefits) on my list.  Do you know how upsetting it is to have the same top dread on my list for three days in a row?  Paralyzing.  Failure is having everything crossed off your list at the end of the day while the one most distasteful item glares back at you.   Each day it peers back at you the stress builds.  It’s enough to give a listaholic nightmares.

I’m proud to announce I called about my health benefits today.  Ahhh.  What a relief.  (There’s a reason I didn’t write this article yesterday).  Tomorrow my list will be fresh.  No festering reruns.  That is really fortunate because with Thanksgiving only a week away my lists seem to be consuming steroids while I’m not looking.

But my conscience won’t be clear until I make one more confession.  What I’m writing now is my blog for tomorrow.  I will save it overnight.  When I get up tomorrow the first thing on my list will be “Write and post blog entry.”  I’ll hit one button and then cross it immediately off my list. Tomorrow is going to be a great day.

Nov17

Invisible Lessons

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What do I like most about teaching?  The lessons I never planned; the student produced detours that suddenly interrupt the well thought out lesson plan.

Sometimes it is an irreverent comment from a student that makes a class collapse into laughter.  At first it annoys me.  I’m right in the middle of “important information” that I have to deliver and some kid funnier than I, kidnaps my class to prove he is more entertaining than the teacher.  In that moment I have two choices; enjoy the joke with them or annoy all of them.  I choose to laugh.

Another time a class discussion will take us in an unexpected direction as a student recalls a poignant moment from her life.  The class is riveted to her comments.  Her story touches them.  My professional self screams to me, “You have only fifteen minutes to teach them the next ten points in your lesson plan.”  Fortunately my human self realizes that that student has interrupted my well planned presentation with the most important lesson of the day.  I have to release and make a U turn.

Life is exactly like my classroom.  We are busy rushing from one item on our to-do list to the next, when traffic turns the interstate into a still life painting.  A baby is born on an unexpected time table and we stop everything to celebrate. Or the phone rings right in the middle of our busiest season to tell us someone we love has a serious illness. In an instant our priorities change.  We schedule an unexpected vacation and reexamine our choices.

It’s the unplanned lessons that touch us the most.  When emotions are involved, when we “feel” things we remember.   In life and in the classroom the lessons invisible at the beginning of the day are usually the ones most memorable in the long run.

Nov16

Ask the Hamster

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We’ve all seen those crazy hamsters running on an exercise wheel going nowhere.  We think to ourselves, “Where does he think he’s going?” Sometimes we may even grin and feel superior.  Doesn’t he know he’s in a cage and only running in circles?

The joke is on us. Think for a minute about the parallels between caged hamsters and human beings.  Hamsters realize they need to exercise and jump into the wheel.  They run without caution going faster and faster. When they’re finished they jump off invigorated.  Humans go to the gym and jump on the treadmill or maybe even stay at home in their cage and work out on a rowing machine.  They work until their stress level is abated and their need for movement is fulfilled…just like hamsters.

I doubt that hamsters spend much time ‘thinking’ about why they run.  Their bodies need it and so off they go.  Humans think plenty about the advantages of exercise.  But they also sometimes think too much about the exertion or not enough about the benefits of exercise and have to plead and bargain with themselves to commit to movement.  That’s me!  Sometimes they refuse to exercise at all.  Score one point for the hamsters.

However, humans take running in circles to dangerous levels in another way.  Too frequently their lives are rushing in frenzied paths from one activity to another.  They go from work, to a gym, to a dinner meeting, to a social commitment.  They go home too tired to relax, but they answer their emails, voice messages and
texts.  They fall into bed and wake up early to begin the exhausting cycle all over again. They find themselves
accepting projects and volunteer responsibilities without ever stopping to ask themselves whether those activities are the best use of their time.

Humans have the ability and intelligence to ask…to question their motives…but too often they don’t. Instead they ask themselves why they don’t have the time to take steps toward their real dream.   Why are they
working so hard and yet feeling unfulfilled and exhausted?  They don’t take the time to ask themselves
important questions.

  • If my life were to end tomorrow will I be satisfied with how I’ve lived?
  • What is my big dream or real mission?
  • What have I left undone?
  • What are my authentic values that my life has failed to reflect so far?
  • How can I arrange my life to be more in alignment with my honest goals?

This is not simply an exercise.  It’s choosing a path for our lives.  If we don’t start now, when?  The human brain weighs between 1,300 and 1,400 grams.  A hamster brain weighs only 1.4 grams.  Are we making the best use of all that extra brain power?  Ouch.  Start now.  What will you do differently?

Nov15

The Beginning

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Welcome!  Thanks to a great deal of encouragement from everyone… students, friends, teacher pals, and fellow writers.  I have at last taken the plunge into blogging.

Splash!  My entry is probably more a cannon ball than a well executed dive.  Dozens of well intentioned people have shoved me into the deep end.

Why?  I enjoy writing and love to share and receive encouragement.  That is what my blog home will offer and welcome.  I’ll reflect on thoughts I’m having about life and its triumphs and challenges.  My students would call this circle time.  I hope my readers will find ideas they can use to improve their own lives too.  My blog home will be better if you are willing to share your thoughts, ideas, and encouragement for others here also.  Please enter into the conversation whenever a topic speaks to you.  I don’t mind sending my writing out into the universe, if I know it is reaching you (yes, you!) and making a difference.

Special thanks to Josh who probably nagged me the most consistently about blogging and Abby who helped me create my site.  Where would I be without my young friends who pull and sometimes push me forward?

Finally I’m embracing a new goal.  I hope you’ll follow along.