Tag Archives: self esteem

I Can’t Stand this Woman

Standard

voice in my headShe Has to Go

Seriously.  I don’t like to be rude; but there is a woman in my life who has to go.  Do you know a woman like this?   Maybe we could form an un-fan club or something and brainstorm ways to get rid of these women.  We could put them on a deserted island and let them annoy one another.

She pesters me enough, that if she were my neighbor I’d move across the country to avoid her.  She never has anything nice to say about me.  And of course she is always talking about me. She complains about my weight, my hair, my clothes, my face.  Let’s be honest she doesn’t like the way I look at all.

But that is not the worst of it.  She questions all of my abilities.  Oh, how I hate it when she questions my abilities.  According to her I can’t say or do anything just right.   I’ve never beat up anyone.  But this gal honestly deserves a punch.

 self talkPOW!  

I know it’s not nice to talk about people.  But I’ve really had my fill of this gal so I’m gonna name names.

Her name is….drum roll please…. The Voice in My Head.   You see why it is difficult  to move away from her?   She is my shadow critic.  When I’m tired or discouraged she works overtime and her words become louder and louder until I almost can’t hear anything else.  Even ear plugs won’t help because she rattles around inside my brain.   But when I experience a success, she can yell and I can’t hear her. Oh, how I love those moments.  When I’m with my friends, her words roll right off my back.   I can even laugh at her and ridicule her opinion when something good happens.  “Take that!” I say to her.   I love it when I can prove her wrong.  I do a little mental victory dance in front of her.

There are only two small things that I have learned from her.  And please don’t give her any credit for these.  She is too mean and negative to deserve credit of any kind!  I give myself credit for learning these two things from the old meany.

  • I’ve learned how to say nice things to myself when she taunts me.  Sometimes I even have to say them out loud.  Sometimes I have to say those kind words over and over again.  But that’s OK.  I deserve those nice words.  If I don’t say them she can paralyze me.
  • She has taught me how to recognize when other people are struggling with a negative voice in their heads.  As a teacher, that has been a valuable tool to possess.

But Honestly, She Has Got to Go!

Worthy Comparisons

Standard

It seems that we look at each person we know and search for their best feature or talent.  That’s a noble cause.  It’s great to look for the positive in everyone.  It’s even better to compliment them when you find a quality to admire.  However, too frequently we then compare that talent to ourselves and beat ourselves up until we feel inadequate.

“Heavens, I wish I could dance like you do.  I’m such a klutz.”

“I wish I had gorgeous eyes like his.  I hate the color of my eyes.”

“Look at her play tennis. She looks like a pro.  My serve is pathetic.”

“Your drawings are unbelievable.  I can’t draw stick men.”

Here’s a thought to consider when making comparisons.  We can genuinely admire others without all the self loathing.  The truth is we frequently search for another person’s best feature or talent and compare it to our worst.  We forget that the person who can dance like a star wishes they could write like us. That great tennis player may wish she could sing with our talent.

Our goal should be to continue to look for the talents of others and generously compliment them on their skills, while still  recognizing our own.  When we do this, the admiration becomes a win/win.  The better we feel about ourselves, the more confidence we have to continue to notice and comment on the talents of others.  A person who beats herself up too much becomes unable to genuinely compliment someone else.

Self love and acceptance is so important.  If adoration from others was all that we needed, there would be fewer celebrities taking their own lives.  Yesterday I heard a Christmas song on the radio sung by Karen Carpenter.  I marveled once again at the smooth beautiful quality of her voice.  There truly is none comparable.  And yet she died a victim of anorexia.  What a loss to the world and an even more profound loss to her family.

We need to be as kind to ourselves as we would be to our best friend or a favorite celebrity.   This may be difficult, but why not try?  The things we say to ourselves are more important than the voices of anyone else.   This Thanksgiving be thankful for your own talents.

***If you are struggling with an eating disorder of any kind, Portia de Rossi’s book Unbearable Lightness is a great read.***