The Good Manners Guide to Honking

Let me start by saying I never dreamed I’d have to write such a ludicrous post.  But recent experiences and absurdities have clearly proven to me that someone is going to have to have the guts to clarify to the world in written form, simple courtesies that used to be obvious to people with good manners.  But proper ettiquette behind the steering wheel seems to have flown out the exhaust pipe.

                    If you are a goose, you may honk at anytime.

For geese, honking is their only means of communication so human rules do not apply to them. Honk away if you are a goose.

If you are driving down the road and see a friend, you may give a friendly short honk and a wave.  Even if you don’t know the person, a short toot and a wave with a smile is considered a friendly greeting. A long honk with another gesture demonstrates you have no couth whatsoever.

A short honk and a wave is always welcome

If you are driving in a traffic jam and choose to honk your horn in frustration, you are proving your parents lacked the initiative to teach you about courteous behavior.  You are announcing to the world that you don’t know how to act in civilized society. Who are you honking at?  Where should they go?  Honks in a traffic jam only raise the stress level and blood pressure for everyone.  Keep thy hand off the horn!  Listen to music or a book on tape.  Practice acting like an adult. Grow up.

Honking in a Traffic Jam Only Makes It Easy to Identify the Fools

Why are we honking horns to lock car doors?

Do you have a door lock on the inside of the car?  Push it down.  Do you have a button on the inside of the door?  Push it.  It takes only the tiniest pressure from one finger NOT to hit your remote key and make everyone else around you jump because they aren’t expecting a honk.

Honking the horn to lock your car door is like having an argument on your cell phone in an elevator.  You are the only one prepared for the noise and intrusion so it is inconsiderate toward everyone else.  My former car would flash the lights to let me know it was locked.  My current car makes a honking sound if I use the remote.  Is this progress?  No.  I won’t use the remote to lock my door out of consideration toward others.  It is a small courtesy I can extend and I accept that responsibility.

Most Important Rule! 

At an Intersection, The Person in Front Decides When to Go

 That’s why they are in front.  They waited their turn to be first. They have a brain and a driver’s license.  Do not honk at them if they hesitate for a split second as they check oncoming traffic.  Who do you think you are?  In case you have forgotten your identity, I will remind you.  If you are second in line and honking, you are a rude nincompoop.

Last week I was at the intersection next to the Columbus, Ohio Convention Center.  A HUGE event was taking place.  Large buses were stopping along the sidewalk to drop off hundreds, even thousands of young people.  The light turned green.  The driver next to me did not move forward because dozens of children were in the cross walk in front of us. He couldn’t possibly move forward without running over a child. A charter bus unloading more young people blocked his vision to even turn right if the cross walk were empty. And yet the fool behind him was honking the horn. I wanted to run this nut’s driver’s license through a shredder.

Unfortunately this is not an isolated event.  When did we become so impatient that we have to hit the horn the second the light turns green?  Why don’t we think of that as rude?  IT IS OBNOXIOUS!  It’s no different than knocking someone over on purpose and then walking on without an apology.

Yes, I admit, I like my remote key chain.  I feel safe unlocking my car as I approach it without having to fumble for a key in an urban parking garage.   But I want my next remote key to only flash the lights to signal that the locks are engaged  like my last one did.

 However, I also want my next car to have a new and now necessary feature.  I want a button I can push from inside the car that will release the rancid smell of a skunk from my exhaust pipe to annoy anyone behind me who honks as I pause to check the intersection.  A girl can dream.  Go ahead and honk.  Make my day.  SPRAY!