Tag Archives: talking to teens

Great Classroom Activity

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Which Words Rule Our Lives?

Words that Rule Our LivesIt’s important for us that we know the words that rule our lives. This is a great activity I learned from my own high school students, Taylor and Cody.  The assignment was for each of my students who aspired to be future teachers, to teach a lesson in front of their classmates.  At the time of this assignment the classic children’s book Where the Wild Things Are had just been made into a movie and was being shown in theaters.  Taylor and Cody began their lesson by having the students watch the movie trailer.  In a very effective style the trailer pointed out that each of us has three words within us.  We all possess a little fear.  We all crave a little adventure.  And we all need a little hope.

movie trailerHow clever Taylor and Cody were to get Hollywood to create the hook for their lesson!  The movie trailer was quite effective and had every student’s attention.  The “teachers” then asked the class to focus on those three words:  fear, adventure and hope.

Decide which one of those words rules your life.

Think about it and then share it with your peers.

After a few minutes of thought they brought the class together into a cozy circle.

teens in a circle

Each student truthfully described which of these three words currently seemed to dominate their lives.  They were very honest and revealing.  (I believe students truly want to share what is on their minds.  I’ve seen it too many times to be wrong about this).  It is the challenge of an insightful teacher to find a vehicle that will encourage that sharing.

After everyone had shared their thoughts, the teaching partners posed a second question…

Are you satisfied with the word that seems to drive your life right now?

Once again the students took turns sharing their answers.  This kind of activity will only be successful if a teacher has previously created a safe, accepting environment in which all students feel free to share.  Once again the answers were candid and insightful.  This activity forced each of us to assess our lives.  It forced us to evaluate our motives, to really think about the choices we were making and whether those choices served us well.  It also built tremendous understanding and empathy among class members.  It deepened our sense of community.  As a side benefit it is important to recognize…bullies can’t thrive when you build a sense of acceptance within a classroom community.  How proud I was of my students for creating such an effective experience for our class.

dream big

Is there one word that seems to drive your life?  Fear?  Adventure? Hope?  Which one is it?  I always participate fully in any revealing activity like this in my classroom.  It bonds the teacher with the class.  It builds understanding across generations and defines the classroom as a safe place.  Even more important it shows the students the teacher is willing to talk about feelings.  It gives them the courage to approach the teacher when something really important is on their minds.  It puts a welcome mat in front of the door to your classroom and your heart.

Thank you Taylor and Cody, for creating this wonderful lesson for me to share with others!

TEACH...To Change Lives

TEACH…To Change Lives

Available autographed or in large quantities from the author:  dauna@cinci.rr.com

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Teaching Strategies

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teaching strategiesThe Lesson

We were going to make a memory.  I mentally pictured one of those warm and fuzzy moments between my students and me.  Planning all the little details was giving me a great deal of pleasure.  On our high school career campus where I taught at the time,  all the buildings surrounded a courtyard.  The landscaping in this opening was minimal, especially at this time of year.  It was autumn and most of the trees had shed their leaves, but one spectacular tree was left.  Its leaves shone a brilliant crimson in the sunshine.  I decided to take my class outdoors under this single beautiful tree to make the moment memorable.  I knew they would enjoy the break from our windowless classroom. this would alert them to the importance of the occasion and help cement the memory.

Why?

Something positive and significant had happened.  It was an event of great importance to me; I had just had my first article published.  Admittedly, it was published in a small local newspaper.  Technically, I hadn’t sold the article.  No money was offered or expected.  Yet still I felt high on success.  An article I had written had been published with my own byline. They even spelled my name correctly… a rare event. This had been a long-term personal goal and a sense of pride was flowing through me. I wanted to mark this milestone with my class.

the lesson

Goal setting is something I try to model for my students.  I didn’t realize until I started teaching teenagers how lucky I had been in my life.  Setting goals was something my mother taught me at home.  I was surprised and sorry to note that this skill was particularly lacking in many of my adolescent students.  How fortunate for me that my mother had taught me all the steps.  First dream. Then visualize your dream.  Begin to make it real by finding a picture of what you want and displaying it. In my mother’s home, this meant the kitchen refrigerator.  List the steps toward accomplishing this dream and take the first step.  As soon as possible, take another step.

Role models are the best teachers, I believe.  Sharing my dreams, my accomplishments, and my setbacks with my students is one of the most powerful things I bring to the classroom.  My students knew that I wanted to be a published writer.  My frequent failures and rejections I shared with them too.  How better to make them capable of facing failures in their future than to admit my own and let them watch me continue working the steps toward a dream, even after a failure?  They teased me about my dreams, but they humored me too.  Naively, I visualized how excited they were going to be for me…how this tiny but significant event in my life would motivate them to set new goals and give them the courage to dream a little larger.  I could mentally hear the song ‘I believe I can Fly’ serenading my soul.  I looked forward to the last class of the day when this tremendous bonding moment would take place.

I Had Forgotten One Thing

goal settingTeenagers sometimes use automatic weapons to burst your bubble when a pin would do the job nicely.  Oh, but it was a humbling experience.  When I told them we were holding our class outside under a beautiful tree, amazingly but immediately the complaining began…

Why do we have to go outside?

It’s freezing out here!

Where are we supposed to sit?

There’s not enough room on this bench!

I’m not sitting on the concrete!

Why are we doing this?

This is soooo dumb!

And my personal favorite….

                                              Do we get a grade for this?

Disappointed and through clenched teeth, I growled.  I mean I really growled.  (Clench your teeth and snarl when you read this).  We…are…making…a…memory!

mad teacher

Though it wasn’t audible, you could feel the expletive at the end of that sentence.  Some of the students quieted down, but several continued to grumble throughout the whole activity.  I told them the about the significance of the occasion.  I showed them my byline in the newspaper with my name on it.  They were not impressed.  I read the story aloud to them.  It was a touching story about planting tulips with my daughter and about how the reappearance of those tulips each spring signaled that she had survived another year cancer free.  They were not touched.  I talked briefly about the importance of having meaningful goals and celebrating successes when they occurred.  The exact moment I paused in my speaking someone said,

Can we go in now?

Totally deflated, I nodded.  A few of them actually sprinted for the door.  I had never before seen them run.  They sure didn’t run when they were coming to my class.  I walked back to the building slowly, feeling completely rejected.  I made a mental note never to try anything which even remotely resembled this activity ever again.  My self-esteem couldn’t survive it.  My wonderful lesson felt like it had been ground through the garbage disposal.

The Revelation

the lesson

About a year and a half later, Edie, one of my new graduates came to school to visit me.  While we were catching up I shared some of my current good news with her.  I had just received a book that contained an article I had written for A Fourth Course of Chicken Soup for the Soul.  I showed her the book autographed by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen.  She gave me the most startled look and said something quite odd as she extended her arm in my direction.

Mrs. Easley, feel my arm.

I was puzzled but I wrapped my hand around her arm as she went on…

I have goosebumps.  Can you feel them?  You’ve given me goosebumps.

Then she said something even more surprising…

“I can remember the day you took our class outside into the courtyard to read us your article that was in the newspaper.”  Her voice was full of awe as she continued.  “You told us on that day that you wanted to have a story published in the Chicken Soup for the Soul series.  I can’t believe you have accomplished this!  I’m so proud of you.”  She gave me a big hug and then sat down to read the story.  I watched her read as I blinked back tears.

How different were our memories of that day.  I was certain that I had reached no one.  Frankly, it was a horrible memory for me.  And yet here was proof that my message had been heard.  I have no recollection of telling my students that one of my goals was to be published in Chicken Soup for the Soul.  I’m certain I did, but only because Edie shared her memory with me. What an incredible lesson she taught me on that day.

In even our bleakest moments as teachers,

we may truly be accomplishing so much more than is apparent.

Edie taught me that. I will try and remember this forever.  Quite by accident, I learned about the positive impact I had made on an afternoon I felt was a total failure.  I had literally seen and felt the evidence.  Goosebumps are not to be taken lightly.

teacher

A Celebration!

TEACH...To Change Lives

Just this week my second book for teachers,   TEACH…To Change Lives has become available on Amazon.com.  Woo-hoo!  Purchase a copy to thank or encourage a teacher or future teacher.

It is full of classroom ideas and inspiring true stories.

Each MONDAY in August and up through September 10th, I will post an inspiring true story about teaching.  Please pass the word along to all your teacher friends.

Thank you for reading my blog! 

Questions from Teens

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  questions from teens

Why Me?

I could have a lot of fun listing questions teens love to ask.  In fact that may be a great topic for a future post.  Teens are full of questions from the ridiculous, to the obvious and beyond the embarrassing.    But one question that would fall consistently within the top three is, “Why me?”

Why are you asking ME to do that? 

Don’t you see all these other kids doing nothing? 

googing off

Look at them goofing off!

Why aren’t you asking THEM to do anything?

Okay.  Sue me.  Life isn’t fair.  The truth is, “Yeah I see those other turkeys goofing off.”  I’m not blind.  Look at their body language.  Everything about them says, “Don’t even THINK about asking me to do something.”  The classroom unfortunately mirrors life.  Here comes a life truth I’m slinging at you.

 5% of the people breathing air are doing 95% of the work.

This isn’t a pretty thought.  Actually it is disconcerting and maddening.  It is blatantly unfair. But it is the truth.  You’ll find it in the work place.  You will find it in the home.  You will find it wherever you go.  I’m not sure if it is a universal truth; I only possess  the American experience.  Open your eyes and look around you.  You’ll be giving me a high-five for my astute observational skills.

But There is Good News

What can be the good news about you always picking on me and asking me to do all the dirty work?

What is fair about that?

Answer that question.

I dare you.

life truth

Okay I will.  Here comes another life truth you probably also don’t want to hear.  We often have to work a job before we are actually offered the job.  When you have an entry-level job your boss will always be asking you to do extra things.  He (or she) will look around and see others goofing off and then will ask YOU to do something no one else wants to do.

“What is the good news about that??!!”

You have already been identified as a leader.  Your teacher already sees it.  Your attitude has placed you in that 5% that will always be asked to do more.  While it seems like the slackers are winning momentarily, you are winning in the long run.

Why?  Whenever you do something extra… willingly, you are proving your leadership potential.   You will be the one your boss thinks of when a promotion opportunity happens.  YOU will frequently be promoted over someone with more experience, skills or seniority.  YOU will have already demonstrated your ability to work at the next level, because you will have been performing a supervisor’s responsibilities and demonstrating a management attitude.

Yep.  Short term, the slackers seem to be winning.  I’ll grant you that. But that is the attitude of the 95%.  Believe me there is a price to pay for passivity, just getting by.  The cost?  Lower self-esteem, acceptance of mediocrity, lack of pride in accomplishments.  Long term?  Regret.

When I ask you to do something no one else wants to do I’m really calling you a winner.  Congratulations!  Now say, “Thank you,” and just do what I asked you to do with a smile. 🙂

You Can Do It!

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How to Talk to Teens

you can do itHave you ever tried to talk to an apathetic teen?  I have.  It is sometimes quite maddening.  Once they are feeling down they will put up all kinds of barriers. They seem to dare you to try to make them feel good.

One of their favorite words is, “Whatever.”  It means, “Whatever you say or do doesn’t get through to me. You can talk all you want, but you can’t breakthrough to me.”

It makes you feel like those old Charlie Brown TV shows.  You could see the teacher talking in the background, but all Charlie Brown could hear was,  “Mwah, mwah, mwah.”  When they are in that ‘whatever’ mode they seem to be deaf to encouragement.

Whatever

whateverBut having taught teens for decades I have my own rules for ‘whatever’.  My rules go like this.

Whatever you do,  don’t stop talking to them.  They may appear deaf, but they are not.  The world has turned them upside down temporarily, and they are reaching for help. When they appear the most deaf, the most uninterested in what you have to say, is exactly the moment they need you the most. 

They can’t let you know your words are helping.  It’s some kind of teen honor code or something.  But don’t be fooled; they need your words. Much later they may be able to tell you how much your words meant to them.  Or maybe not.  But I’ve worked with teens for decades and I am telling you whatever you do, don’t stop talking.  Here is exactly what to say.

“I’ve been thinking about you.”  Tell them specifically when you were thinking about them.  When you were in the car?  While you were grocery shopping?  During a meeting?  Tell them the details about when you were thinking about them.  They need to know that you think about them when you are not with them.  They want to know they matter to you.  It’s true for their parents.  It’s true for their teachers.

Then say, “It seems like something is on your mind.” or “It seems like something is going on in your life.”  “I’ve been noticing you’ve been extra quiet.  I want you to know that I am always here for you.  You can always talk to me about anything.  But if you don’t want to talk about it yet, I respect your privacy.  Just know that I’m here for you.”

Caution.  If they have shared something with you in the past and you have gone cuckoo about it, they won’t share again.  It is always best to under react to keep the lines of communications open.  Teens have told me things that would curl the toes of the devil himself, but no matter how I’m feeling inside I always under react to an initial revelation.  Later when the situation has improved or changed I might let them know how worried or bothered I was for them.  But I NEVER allow my initial shock to show, so they will feel comfortable approaching me in the future.

 Dauna Easley’s Whatevers

Here are my own ‘whatever’ messages I want teens to learn from me.

  • Whatever life hands you, you can handle it.  Life is a roller coaster filled with ups and downs but you are equipped to hang on and triumph.
  • Whatever happens, you are creative enough to respond to it.  If you lose a job, you can find or create a new profession with your talents.
  • If a new opportunity presents itself, you can do it.
  • Whatever challenges come your way you have the perseverance to overcome them.
  • You are strong.  You are talented.  You are capable.  I believe in you.  You can handle WHATEVER comes across your path.
  • I’ve been thinking about you; and I know you can succeed whatever comes your way.